This is what I used to look like, at the age of 18. I had been asked if I would like to participate in a photoshoot for a (at the time) local t-shirt designer (known as seibei- you should look into it, David Murray’s stuff has been on 30 Rock). Of course I was totally like, SURE, LOVE TO, AWESOME, and I went to the shoot, modeled some shirts and got some freebies out of the deal. I still have my kittens apocalypse shirt, which was once displayed on the main site.
After this photoshoot hit the internet, a friend of mine proudly posted the results to a forum he moderated. What ended up happening is some losers started commenting on my body, saying I looked like I ‘recently lost like 100 pounds, must be why all that skin is bunching around’, and ‘she is flat as a dude’ or some other such nonsense. My friend of course totally banned those dudes which is cool but it only made me feel slightly okay, this was the first time my body had ever been so public and so criticized at the same time.
Thing is, I’m 24 years old now, and about 60-ish pounds heavier, and more proud of my body than I have ever been in my entire life. Sometimes I look at old photos of myself and wish I could be as small again, but then I remember that completely unasked for vitriol, right after I HAD lost a lot of weight. It didn’t make me happy, having people comment on my body like that, strangers who didn’t give a fuck who I was making assumptions about me and my lifestyle. The seibei folks, they told me that I did a good job at that photoshoot, that I looked happy and that I was a good model, and yet all anybody saw was my body and it’s unattractiveness and they leapt on that like wolves on a sheep.
I’m so happy with my body right now. Yeah it’s big but I’ve got so much to love. Sometimes I wish I could do more with my body, I’m certainly not as arm-strong as I used to be, but broken bones will do that to you. I can still bike all over the town, get where I need to be, carry some heavy shit, I do amazing shit with my body.
And it’s MY BODY. There is no reason you should be critiquing it. It’s not on display for you. It’s the medium through which I live and love. I’ll wear what I want, be as fat as I want, enjoy as much as I want, and there is nothing you can do about it.
PS, Seibei has some GREAT shirts, you should check out their store! My current favorite is the “I’m Fat Let’s Party” shirt.